Adventure in Learning Who I Truly Am

     It's a rainy morning today and it's been chilly out lately.  So, I made myself a cup of tea and sat down to my computer to blog.  My dog, Kenzi, is at my feet, fully relaxed because of the gentle sound of rain outside.  My other dog, Sophie, doesn't seem to know how to relax and meanders through the house, chews on a toy, then comes and lays down and then gets back up and does it all over again.  She's restless!  Isn't that how we feel sometimes?  Restless, where we don't know what to do with ourselves.  I think that, often, our restlessness stems from us not having a clear vision of who we are.

    The Lord recently taught me about who I truly am.  I tend to struggle with this aspect of my walk with the Lord and can easily come under condemnation.  My friends will compliment me and say things like, "You're so sweet," "You're so loving," and "You're so kind."  And every time I would hear that my first thought would be, yeah, well, you don't see my heart.  You don't see how ugly I am on the inside.  How awful it was to walk with such a skewed vision of myself!!  In the moment I thought I was giving myself a dose of reality, but I would feel so wicked.

     One day, I was on a walk with my dogs (this is where I do my best thinking & praying sometimes) and I was asking the Lord why I felt so awful about myself.  Why can't I actually BE that person that my friends seem to think I am?  Why am I not kind, loving and generous??  Do you know what He said?   He said, "But Beloved, you ARE those things!"  I was astounded at first, not understanding.
"But Lord, I am an awful person!  That's what I really want to be, but if I were truly that person then would I have some of the thoughts I have and do some of the things that I do?"

He said, "Dearest, those are pieces of your flesh that are being stripped away.  The REAL you, the TRUE you, the person you are in ME, is the generous, kind, loving, tender-hearted woman that I created you to be.  You may walk in that, and remember that it is the person you are.  That other person, is not the REAL you, THAT'S the 'fake' you, the old self."


      OH my goodness, I suddenly had more understanding of the "old man" versus the "new man" that the apostles talked about! You know,
 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17
And "...put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24
Also,
"...put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him." 

Isn't it funny how you can read something and even think you get it, but not have any real revelation of it??

So, whenever you feel condemned for thoughts you may have or things you've done, first of all rebuke those thoughts!  Secondly, remember that you are a new creation and that is not who you are anymore.  Then walk in that!  Walk in the Spirit.  Renew your mind consistently with who you are in the Lord!