This is a difficult post to write, but writing helps me process things, so here it is. There are so many things on this issue that are in my heart and mind, but I won't be able to share them all. I have generally been staying out of it on social media, except for maybe a couple posts, I haven't felt like I've been able to, or that I even should, share my feelings on it. I feel that discussion is very good and I have always enjoyed conversing about different backgrounds with my friends, but on social media it ends up becoming more of an argument, and I feel that arguing is pointless and unedifying in nature.
I want to start off by saying that I LOVE THE BLACK COMMUNITY. SO SO MUCH! I always have and I always will- whether or not we agree on every little thing. ;0) So keep that in mind as you read this.
This morning, I was in the throws of discussing the BLM with my husband when our Time Warner Technician came to the door, who just happened to be a black man. He was really kind & hard working and did a great job working on our broken internet and, I will add, I would expect nothing less. He got me thinking more about how much I love black people. Then we went to church, and the beautiful & awesome Nayomi Thomas (a black woman in IHOPKC leadership) was speaking specifically about the racial tensions in America. (I highly recommend you going to the service archives and listening to her speak, here is a link.) God does things like this with me, and probably with many of you, when there is something pressing on my heart, that something (or in this case someones) will pop up over and over in my life.
I have to be honest, I came away with more questions than answers from the sermon, but I ended up crying through the last half of it because it touched my spirit in a very deep way. Honestly, I did not agree with everything she said, but I greatly appreciated what I felt her main point to be: that we need to get a conversation going between the white and black community and the white community needs to recognize the perceived systemic racism towards black people in America.
There were a couple questions addressed towards the white church:
1. Why are you, my white Christian brothers and sisters, silent?
2. Have you gone to your black brother or sister whom you've noticed is angry and asked them why? Asked them to talk about it?
My response to the first question was, "Because I don't know what to say. What do you need me to say?!" And to the second it was, "Yes, yes I have. Not to every single black friend of mine nor every one I run into, but I have friends I've discussed these issues with, and generally they have agreed with my sentiments. But I also would walk away feeling like I shouldn't have asked. Like they didn't want me to question them about their race or our different backgrounds. So, now you're telling me that you want me to ask?
I walked away having many questions and feeling many things; one of them was that I realized I feel hurt by the black community. I know, your response is probably something like, "What?! Why would you be hurt?" And, possibly, some of you are responding with, "Stop making it about yourself!" That is not my intention nor purpose, I am just sharing my journey.
I had no idea that I felt hurt by the black community until today and so I am still searching out the whys behind the what, but some possible reasons are-
*I have felt the sting of my race being used as a put down towards myself and even my black friends. *I have felt the sting of being made fun of because of being white.
*I have felt hurt when I've been told "white people can't dance." (I am a dancer, absolutely love to dance and I am good at it, so this has always been a sore spot for me.)
*I have felt anger and frustration when friends got more financial aid than I did, just because of their race; trust me just because I'm white does not mean that I could afford college. I am in debt more than I'd like to say.
*Lastly, I feel pain over trying to do the right thing and personally loving the black community but feeling like it's never enough.
These are not all of my experiences, though. In fact, more often than not, I have walked away from an encounter with someone from the black community (specifically talking of strangers) smiling and feeling very positive and happy. And I have had many close, wonderful black friends. I was even in a wedding for one of my black friends- the only white girl there- and I absolutely adored being there with her and her family. I was treated kindly, I thoroughly enjoyed them, I had a ton of fun and I'm pretty sure they felt the same way about me! :) Generally, when I'm talking with a black man or woman, unless I get a negative feeling towards me & aside from acknowledging our different backgrounds, I don't even think about the fact that they are black.
Apart from sharing my journey, the main reason I wanted to write this is I want to say that I recognize that I have not experienced the things that black people do almost every day. I realize that, without knowing it, I may have done or said things that came across as racist, even though it was not my intention.
We may not see eye to eye all the time, but my heart is full of regret and sorrow over the things that happen to people in the black community; it is not okay, is not God's heart for them and it needs to change. I do not know how to be a part of the change; all I know is that I want to apologize to the black community for any part I have personally played in your suffering. And I want to say again, that I absolutely love you, I enjoy talking with you, hanging out with you and learning about your thoughts, passions and opinions. I want things to change for you. I desire for our country to reach a place where we are not black, white, Asian, Hispanic or Native American, but we are all Americans whom love and honor each other in our differences.
Thank you for hearing my heart! Have a great day.
Susan :)
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Lessons in Being a New Mother
It's been over a year since my last post. so I'm going to basically start over on this blog. Maybe redevelop it and such. So let me give a very short update from my last post-
I am happily married to the man of my dreams and about 10 months ago we found out we were pregnant with our first child.
He was born on April 19, 2016 & we named him Gideon, which means "Mighty Warrior." So, now I have been thrown into the mom life, something I have dreamed of and been preparing for since I can remember! But you can never be fully prepared for pregnancy, labor & being a first time mom, so I wanted to share some things that I've learned in this journey so far. I'm sure that I have more to learn, so on down the line I may add to this list, but I've still learned a lot up to now, so here is, in no particular order, my list of things I've learned during pregnancy & beyond:
1. The Medical community/ hospital staff do not know everything.
2. Doing your own research is a good thing, but doing too much research can fill the mind with too much stuff to process & too many options to decide through.
3. You and your husband should make your own decisions and stick to them, and don't let the medical staff try to pressure you into anything or make you feel guilty for not doing something they suggest.
4. Sex drive does not necessarily disappear postpartum and there are other ways to be intimate other than intercourse. Keep up the intimacy before and after baby. Your husband is very, very important for your family's well being, and should continue to remain #1.
5. Do not listen to the "scary" things people try to "warn" you about pregnancy or being a mom. That may have been their experience, but it doesn't have to be yours.
6. Your marriage doesn't have to fall apart with a new infant... or ever for that matter.
7. You CAN choose to not let your husband feel neglected just because you have a baby to take care of & continue to spend as much time as possible with him. The baby does go to sleep, quite often.
8. Your husband CAN understand that you have a baby to care for and therefore may not receive as much attention as he did before the baby came, which helps him not feel neglected.
9. You do NOT have to allow yourself to become the frumpy wife and mother who quit taking care of herself. You can still take showers and put makeup on and dress nicely.
10. It is possible to begin switching your baby's sleep schedule from day to night from the word go.
11. But every baby is different, so it's also necessary to go with the flow.
12. It is okay to nap when the baby is napping and leave the house cleaning for later.
13. You need less stuff for the baby in the first few months than you think!
14. Breastfeeding is such a natural thing and when it comes time to do it, it won't seem weird at all.
15. Some people are going to be offended with some of the decisions you make for your pregnancy and child raising- let them, forgive them and move on. There is no use getting hung up on something you can't control.
16. On that same note, it's good to remember that you have no control over other people's decisions nor how they react to things- this is just a good life lesson I learned before getting pregnant & it's been very useful!
17. Expect the best and prepare (especially your heart and mind) for the worst.
18. Prayer sincerely works. Put your hope and trust in the Lord. Hand over ALL and any anxieties about every situation.
19. It is totally possible to keep control over your body and emotions while in labor.
20. It is totally possible to not be rude to or yell at your husband.
21. Don't feel guilty for yelling during labor (just make sure it's a yell- or as my husband described mine, a roar- and not a scream.) If that's what you need to do to help get the baby out, then that's what you need to do.
22. People are correct when they tell you your body knows how to give birth and will basically do it for you.
23. Do not accept or believe word "curses" spoken over you, your marriage or your child. Though the person may think they're just giving advice and trying to help, if it's a negative word and not a blessing, it's a word curse. (Egs. "Your baby is easy? Uh oh, that means your next one will be difficult!" "Get used to never being alone again!" Any type of -Your child will or will not do such and such etc.) Believing it and accepting it can actually cause it to happen. On the same note, don't be the person putting word curses over others!
24. Your husband is for you and your child & there to help- TRUST him.
25. You will want to (and should) write down how your pregnancy and labor and baby growth goes. Get a book to write in ASAP.
26. Being a STAY at home mom does not mean you are a STUCK at home mom. Those are two different things, and it is your choice which one you become.
27. Everyone is different, but in general, having people come around to see you and meet the baby after he's born can help counteract postpartum depression. AND they can hold the baby while you take a shower or eat or something, so it's very helpful.
28. But don't overwhelm yourself with too many people at once, space them out.
29. You do NOT have to say "goodbye" to going to the bathroom alone.
30. Baby carrying is a good thing and fun, but it's also okay to put him down while you use the bathroom, take a shower, eat something etc.
31. Make sure to keep water next to you 24/7.
32. Take the time to read your Bible, read a book or watch a good show while nursing- this isn't laziness, your body is working.
33. You do not have to run to the baby right away with any noise he makes or when he starts crying. It's not being mean or unloving. Of course, if he starts screaming then run to him, by all means, run away, that is not spoiling him.
34. If the baby is crying and you can't figure out why and he won't calm down right away even when you are trying to feed him, do NOT let yourself feel like a "bad" mother. It's normal for that to happen sometimes.
35. Always remember- "This too shall pass."
36. Surround yourself with encouraging and wise people.
37. If you are able to, simplify your life before having the baby, it's unnecessary to have too much stuff and it will help make taking care of the house a lot easier.
The main thing I learned is (38.)to take everyone's advice as a grain of salt, because there will be advice from all different angles, and figure out what is best for you, your baby and your family!
And I should add, (39.) enjoy every moment because the next thing you know your baby will be all grown up. Time really flies by.
So, take all these things as a grain of salt if you want to, these are things that I learned and though, many of them can apply to everyone, not all of them do.
Until next time,
(40.) Let every day be an adventure with the Lord!
-Suzy-Q
I am happily married to the man of my dreams and about 10 months ago we found out we were pregnant with our first child.
He was born on April 19, 2016 & we named him Gideon, which means "Mighty Warrior." So, now I have been thrown into the mom life, something I have dreamed of and been preparing for since I can remember! But you can never be fully prepared for pregnancy, labor & being a first time mom, so I wanted to share some things that I've learned in this journey so far. I'm sure that I have more to learn, so on down the line I may add to this list, but I've still learned a lot up to now, so here is, in no particular order, my list of things I've learned during pregnancy & beyond:
1. The Medical community/ hospital staff do not know everything.
2. Doing your own research is a good thing, but doing too much research can fill the mind with too much stuff to process & too many options to decide through.
3. You and your husband should make your own decisions and stick to them, and don't let the medical staff try to pressure you into anything or make you feel guilty for not doing something they suggest.
4. Sex drive does not necessarily disappear postpartum and there are other ways to be intimate other than intercourse. Keep up the intimacy before and after baby. Your husband is very, very important for your family's well being, and should continue to remain #1.
5. Do not listen to the "scary" things people try to "warn" you about pregnancy or being a mom. That may have been their experience, but it doesn't have to be yours.
6. Your marriage doesn't have to fall apart with a new infant... or ever for that matter.
7. You CAN choose to not let your husband feel neglected just because you have a baby to take care of & continue to spend as much time as possible with him. The baby does go to sleep, quite often.
8. Your husband CAN understand that you have a baby to care for and therefore may not receive as much attention as he did before the baby came, which helps him not feel neglected.
9. You do NOT have to allow yourself to become the frumpy wife and mother who quit taking care of herself. You can still take showers and put makeup on and dress nicely.
10. It is possible to begin switching your baby's sleep schedule from day to night from the word go.
11. But every baby is different, so it's also necessary to go with the flow.
12. It is okay to nap when the baby is napping and leave the house cleaning for later.
13. You need less stuff for the baby in the first few months than you think!
14. Breastfeeding is such a natural thing and when it comes time to do it, it won't seem weird at all.
15. Some people are going to be offended with some of the decisions you make for your pregnancy and child raising- let them, forgive them and move on. There is no use getting hung up on something you can't control.
16. On that same note, it's good to remember that you have no control over other people's decisions nor how they react to things- this is just a good life lesson I learned before getting pregnant & it's been very useful!
17. Expect the best and prepare (especially your heart and mind) for the worst.
18. Prayer sincerely works. Put your hope and trust in the Lord. Hand over ALL and any anxieties about every situation.
19. It is totally possible to keep control over your body and emotions while in labor.
20. It is totally possible to not be rude to or yell at your husband.
21. Don't feel guilty for yelling during labor (just make sure it's a yell- or as my husband described mine, a roar- and not a scream.) If that's what you need to do to help get the baby out, then that's what you need to do.
22. People are correct when they tell you your body knows how to give birth and will basically do it for you.
23. Do not accept or believe word "curses" spoken over you, your marriage or your child. Though the person may think they're just giving advice and trying to help, if it's a negative word and not a blessing, it's a word curse. (Egs. "Your baby is easy? Uh oh, that means your next one will be difficult!" "Get used to never being alone again!" Any type of -Your child will or will not do such and such etc.) Believing it and accepting it can actually cause it to happen. On the same note, don't be the person putting word curses over others!
24. Your husband is for you and your child & there to help- TRUST him.
25. You will want to (and should) write down how your pregnancy and labor and baby growth goes. Get a book to write in ASAP.
26. Being a STAY at home mom does not mean you are a STUCK at home mom. Those are two different things, and it is your choice which one you become.
27. Everyone is different, but in general, having people come around to see you and meet the baby after he's born can help counteract postpartum depression. AND they can hold the baby while you take a shower or eat or something, so it's very helpful.
28. But don't overwhelm yourself with too many people at once, space them out.
29. You do NOT have to say "goodbye" to going to the bathroom alone.
30. Baby carrying is a good thing and fun, but it's also okay to put him down while you use the bathroom, take a shower, eat something etc.
31. Make sure to keep water next to you 24/7.
32. Take the time to read your Bible, read a book or watch a good show while nursing- this isn't laziness, your body is working.
33. You do not have to run to the baby right away with any noise he makes or when he starts crying. It's not being mean or unloving. Of course, if he starts screaming then run to him, by all means, run away, that is not spoiling him.
34. If the baby is crying and you can't figure out why and he won't calm down right away even when you are trying to feed him, do NOT let yourself feel like a "bad" mother. It's normal for that to happen sometimes.
35. Always remember- "This too shall pass."
36. Surround yourself with encouraging and wise people.
37. If you are able to, simplify your life before having the baby, it's unnecessary to have too much stuff and it will help make taking care of the house a lot easier.
The main thing I learned is (38.)to take everyone's advice as a grain of salt, because there will be advice from all different angles, and figure out what is best for you, your baby and your family!
And I should add, (39.) enjoy every moment because the next thing you know your baby will be all grown up. Time really flies by.
So, take all these things as a grain of salt if you want to, these are things that I learned and though, many of them can apply to everyone, not all of them do.
Until next time,
(40.) Let every day be an adventure with the Lord!
-Suzy-Q
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