Hi everyone! I know it's been a while. I just haven't had a whole lot of things to post about because since I got my job, things have been a little monotonous. Not that I haven't had an enjoyable past year, but I'm sure you don't want to hear about my daily life as a Salon Coordinator.
I'm sure you're really curious as to the title of this post. Maybe you're thinking, "SUSAN'S on a dating site???" Yeah, that's what I would be thinking too. To tell you the truth, I NEVER thought I'd get on a dating site. It's just not the story I want to have for meeting the man I marry. I kept imaging my kids one day asking me, "Mom, how did you and dad meet? Tell us the story!"
And then I'd say, "We met online."
Then they would probably say, "What's online?" Lol.
That was NOT the story I wanted to tell anyone one day. MY love story is supposed to be adventurous, meaningful, God ordained; and maybe it still will be! But... here I am on Christian Mingle, and here's how it happened:
Near the beginning of last year, I started having people tell me I should get on a dating website. I usually just laughed and said, "No way." And, of course, they would ask, "Why?" And my answer would be, "That's NOT how I want to meet my husband." I had some other reasons too, like- I want to be pursued and I felt like I would be the one pursuing in that situation. or that wouldn't be GOD writing my story etc.
But suddenly, more and more people were mentioning it to me. It was kinda weird. So, I started thinking about it. Then a friend of mine and I decided we were going to do it together, but before we got the chance she actually started dating someone and now she's engaged! But people continued to mention it to me and I even had a few other friends get on Christian Mingle and meet someone.
By the time Christmas rolled around, I realized, I didn't want to meet my husband that way, but I'm wasn't meeting anyone not being on there either! At this time, I had also been feeling for months how much I desired to be pursued. A woman being pursued blooms like nothing before! And I wanted that! I wanted to go out on dates, meet men and be around men! I have been so rarely around men the past couple of years that I started wondering if I would know how to act around them if I was around one again! Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but there's still some truth to it.
So, with some prayer and friends' encouragements, I got on Christian Mingle at the beginning of January; and a friend of mine actually paid for it out of support! So, here I am, with no money of my own being put into this 6 month dating ordeal but needing to be committed because a friend of mine paid for it and I have no idea what I'm doing.
In creating my profile, I was trying to be as much like me as possible and honest, yet funny about it. For my username I put: TotallyAwesomeChic. LOL. I put very good, yet not misleading photos of myself and one of the things I said about myself was: "I am pretty quirky, but confident that I am going to make the most fun wife in the entire world!." Haha. I was being honest yet silly, but, interestingly enough... the Lord seriously has used this in my life...
Some of you may know, but for those of you who don't, I have had a serious "body image" issue for a LONG time. I liked myself okay, but I did NOT have good thoughts about my body because of many wounds from my past and just really struggled with daily loving who I am inside AND out. And a few days before I moved here to the House of Prayer, the Lord told me He was going to heal me of this and we were going to start working together on me believing the truth about myself- that was 3 years ago.
A few days after getting on Christian Mingle, I was talking to my mom about how discouraging it is that the guys who have emailed me are ones that I am NOT attracted to or interested in, yet the ones that I'm interested in don't seem to be interested back. How frustrating!! That happens in my day to day life, but I was hoping that it wouldn't happen on Christian Mingle.
Then, something snapped inside of me, I don't know how to describe it, but I was suddenly proclaiming- "But you know what?? I AM a totally awesome chic! I really AM going to make the most fun wife in the entire world!! I really AM beautiful!! Those pictures of me are GOOD and I'm a gorgeous woman!! If they don't want me then it's THEIR loss!" And I suddenly realized that I actually believed what I just said!!!
Then, I told my mom, "Well, if I don't find the man I'm going to marry, then maybe at least the Lord is using this to show me that I've received healing on my body image wounds." And she said, "It sure sounds like you have!"
FRIENDS, I AM FREE!!!!! This is the best feeling I have ever had! The Lord is so good! He has broken off my chains. Instead of thinking, "Why would any guy want me?" during the day, I have thoughts like, "Why WOULDN'T any guy want me? I'm awesome, fun and beautiful! Their loss if they don't!" And this isn't even a prideful thought, this is a freeing thought! This is the Lord speaking to my heart how He sees me!! The Lord created me, He is IN me; HE is awesome, fun and beautiful!! This is wonderful. Friends, I am free.
